I fall in love with people when I (either my concious self or my belowmind) decide that I might be a good thing for them. Either they have some issue going on right then, or I feel the need to "fix" them or to "work on" them somehow. It's why I fell for Stefan. It's why I fell for Leonard. It's why I didn't fall for Theo, though I wanted to embrace him and take him into my heart. It's why I didn't (for all my love and affection, dearest) fall for Peter. Because I didn't think they really needed me to fix anything. I want to heal Willis. Want to know more about him- what happened in high school to make him the way he is, his hurts, his fears. I want to take all that into myself and make it disappear. I want to make him able to fall in love, even if not with me (that's what this is all about, really- getting them ready for other relationships), and I want him to trust me. To "daisuki" me. I know that makes no sense. In English, it would be "To love me", but it's not the sense I'm going for. Not "love"-love. No hearts and flowers and bluebirds tweeting...just sincere, deep, bonds of affection and trust. Not a relationship in the typical sense...more in the literal sense. Something like what Stefan and I have. ::grins:: actually, that would really be ideal, as he's...you know, completely and utterly hot. I have people who agree with me! That's really the only ulterior motive, though. And as long as I can get hugs, I'm happy with that.

But there's no time. I only have 2 more years before we graduate. It took about 4 years with Stefan, and two of those were combined efforts! This time thing isn't helping at all...the shorter the time grows, the more desperate and "in love" I become and more needy. I have no idea what to do. All I know is that my heart is feeling empty, and I need him to fill it.